The first session is 60 minutes with both of you and a therapist, at our Tempe office or by video with both of you in Arizona at the time. Each of you is asked what brought you in, what you have already tried, and what you would want to be different. Both of you get to talk, nobody is put on trial, and nobody is asked to decide who is right. Here is the hour in order, and the practical questions people ask before it.
Before the session
Couples usually come in when the same argument keeps coming back, or when the arguing has stopped and the distance has not. You do not need to be married, you do not need to agree on what is wrong, and you do not need to be sure you are staying together. You both need to be willing to come.
One thing to settle first. If you are afraid of your partner, or someone in the relationship is being hurt or controlled, couples therapy is not the safe place to start; individual therapy is, and we can help you arrange it privately. If you are in danger right now, call 911.
Booking works the same way as everything at PATH: a free 15-minute video consultation with our front desk about cost and next steps, then a first session usually within three to five business days.
The first ten minutes
The therapist opens by asking each of you, in turn, what brought you here. Not what the other person did; what you are hoping for. It is common for the two answers to be different, and the therapist will not pick one. The difference between them is often the first useful piece of information in the room.
Each of you gets the floor
Over the hour you will each be asked to describe the pattern as you see it: what the fights are about, how they start, how they end, and what happens in the days after. You will be asked how the two of you met and what has changed since, because a baby, a move, a job or an illness changes how a couple works, and the pattern often dates from one of those. You will be asked what you have tried, including the things that did not work.
If one of you talks more easily than the other, the therapist manages that. Nobody is required to perform, and nobody is allowed to disappear.
What the therapist is doing
Your therapist is not there to decide who is right and does not take sides. The work is on the pattern between you, not on either person. Couples work at PATH draws on the same approaches as individual therapy, adapted for two people; one of our therapists is trained in the Gottman Method, one of the most widely used approaches to couples therapy. There is no house method that everyone gets. The couples therapy page describes how we work.
The therapist is also not there to decide whether you should stay together. That is yours. What the therapist can do is make the pattern visible enough that the decision, whichever way it goes, is made on purpose.
What you leave the first session with
- A sense of whether the three of you fit. If you do not, say so; fit matters more than almost anything else, and we will help you find someone who suits you both better, including outside this practice.
- A first description of the pattern in words that both of you recognize.
- A plan for the next few sessions, usually weekly at first and less often as things settle.
The practical part
A couples session is 60 minutes and costs $75 to $150 if you are paying yourself, the same as individual therapy, with a sliding scale for financial hardship. We accept Aetna, Cigna, Carelon Behavioral Health and Curative for couples therapy; with one of those plans you pay your plan’s normal copay or coinsurance, and we check your coverage on the free consultation. Prices and policies are on the insurance and pricing page.
By video, both of you need to be in Arizona at the time of the session, and you can switch between video and the office as it suits you; how video sessions work is covered on its own page. If you need to cancel, give at least 24 hours’ notice: a late cancellation is $50 and a no-show is $100.
Questions people ask
Will the therapist take sides?
No. The therapist does not decide who is right and does not take sides. The work is on the pattern between you, not on either person.
Do we have to talk about our worst fight in the first session?
No. The first session is about what brought you in, what you have tried and what you each want to be different. You set the pace, and nothing you would rather not say out loud yet is forced.
What if only one of us thinks there is a problem?
Come anyway, as long as you are both willing to be in the room. Different views of the problem are common, and the difference is often the first useful thing the therapist works with. If your partner will not come at all, individual therapy on your own is still worth doing.
How many sessions does couples counseling take?
There is no fixed number. Most couples come weekly at first and less often as things settle, and your therapist will talk with you both about what is likely to help and change course if it is not working.
Not sure what you need? Book a free 15-minute video consultation.
A conversation with our front desk about cost and next steps, at a time you pick. It commits you to nothing.
15 minutes by video. No commitment.
Monday to Friday, 8am to 5pm · Saturday, 9am to 2pm